coach

Today was my 3rd or 4th Basketball practice with my girls. They really gave it their all and made me proud. A lot of them are overweight / out of shape, but they really tried their best. Alexis is a girl who is about 5'11" and around 300 - 350. She is bigger than the largest teacher at our school, but is such a gentle giant. She's been coming to every workout and has been giving 110%. Today she told me that her godmother commented that she has noticed a difference in Alexis's weight since she has started. In two weeks she has lost 12 pounds!! It feels good to feel like I'm really changing the way she sees herself. She is just so proud of being able to keep up with all of the "skinny" girls. I hope she keeps it up!

This week is going to be crazy busy. Basketball today (I'm so exhausted I can't even get up right now). Tutoring tomorrow until 6. Then tutoring on Wednesday until 5. The band concert on Thursday and Halloween on Friday. Ugh. I'm tired just thinking about it!

hair cut

So, I got a haircut on friday. Afterwards, I met up with Merrill, Victor and Ray to get the best oysters I have ever eaten for dinner. Marlow & Sons is now my favorite brooklyn eatery. Hands down. Anyway, this is my new haircut:

It's much shorter than I had intended on getting it cut, but I really like it. It feels much more natural to me. I've been trying to grow my hair and try all of these chic hairstyles... they just weren't working. chop that shit off.

The weekend was really nice and relaxing. Went to Ray's parents on Saturday, where I ate way too much (as usual). Ray's mom just doesn't know how to make something without frying it. Seriously... there was fried chicken IN the fucking pasta sauce. That is impressive. Needless to say, I went home with a major belly ache that night. My tummy hurt so bad that I didn't even get to go to Eliz's birthday party. dammit.

This week is the beginning of a crazy life for me. I'll be tutoring Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday for the next six weeks, while coaching basketball on Mondays and Fridays. Dang. The fat pay check will be worth it all, I know.

why do i spend so much of my time doing things for others? Why does my schedule revolve around someone else instead of myself? Why can't I just put my foot down and say fuck you. I deserve to do things how I want to do them. I have that right. I have the right to spend my time how I wish to spend it. Fuck waiting on everyone else. Seriously, fuck it. It gets me nowhere.

Autumn

We spent our weekend in Hudson, NY, house-sitting for my sister who was shooting a wedding in Buffalo. It was really nice to get away for a few nights. Ray and I got to spend some quality time together that we've so desperately been needing.

Things are looking up, I think.

why do people tell me these things?

First, a few students tell me about another one of my students (who happens to be a co-worker's daughter) doing things with a boy on video. She's 12. I am praying that this is just a rumor that these kids are spreading, rather than the truth. When I was 12, I didn't even know what half of this stuff WAS! Blow job? Do you blow on it? Why would someone like that?

Later that evening, my mom calls me to tell me that Dad has a girlfriend. Mind you, they're separated, and mom is actively looking for someone else on the internet (gross). She expected me to feel sorry for her, or to be outraged, when frankly, I'm just not. It's weird that he has a girlfriend, but whatever. He's not rubbing it in my face, or anyone's for that matter, so why does she feel the need to throw it at me? Don't put me in the middle of things. She's an adult, and I am her daughter, NOT her friend. She needs to grow up and deal with it.

dia con padre

Dad came to the city today to celebrate my graduation. We met up at Grand Central around 12:30 and went down to soho for some shopping. I bought some new work shoes and a new work outfit. We got bored of shopping and headed back to brooklyn to do some bowling. We went to GUTTER, a new bowling bar in north williamsburg. Dad bowled a 217!! what the hell?!

All in all, today was exactly what I needed. We got to finally spend some quality time together. It felt like I had my dad back. After all of the shit that has been going on, we've turned over a new leaf. He's being honest and open with me about everything that has happened in the past few years. It's making it a lot easier to deal with.

This weekend has been one of the best I've had in a while. Hiking with Ray yesterday, and spending time with dad today. Who could ask for a better weekend?

cha cha changes

I am changing the purpose of this blog. Instead of updating my non-existant readers about my day to day life, I am going to be using it to record my thoughts and feelings about the world around me. I think maybe then I will post more often? Maybe not. But it's worth a shot, right? Right.

The situation with my parents (my make believe readers, my parents sold their house for a lot less than they could have gotten for it, and are living in separate apartments) has made me really cynical about marriage and love. I know that I am in a great relationship and that Ray loves me unconditionally. I KNOW this. Still, when friends of mine tell me about their engagements and weddings and children, I can't help but think "why the hell are you happy about this? What is the point of getting married?" Why does everyone want to rush into such a doomed government ordained institution? WHY? Is it because you love someone? Are you afraid that if you don't say "I do", he'll find someone better? Or even worse, that YOU'LL find someone better?? I just have a hard time believing in it all. How can you be so sure that you are meant to be with someone for the rest of your life, and just let it all go to hell? How can you give up on someone you are supposed to love? I guess it's not so much the idea of marriage, but the bright eyed blushing bride that thinks that marriage is just a wedding and that they'll live happily ever after. I think I'm afraid that I'll get married and he'll give up on me the way my parents gave up on each other a long time before they even separated. If that's the case, then what's the point?

I've spent a lot more time this past month thinking about myself and not thinking about my family. I joined weightwatchers and lost 12 pounds in a month. I haven't been able to exercise because of my knee, which I still havent gotten an MRI of. Maybe I haven't really been taking great care of myself after all? Still 12 pounds is pretty significant.