synopsis

Tis the season for me to freak out.

Mom has been calling NON STOP. First she is sad because she's fighting with Jimmy. Then she's depressed because she isn't spending Christmas in her house for the first time in 42 years. Then she's mad because she was "left out" of my Birthday plans with my father.

This put me over the edge. Not once in five years has she wanted to visit me in the city on my birthday. The few times she has made plans to see me, she has cancelled because it was too cold, or she was having personal problems and just couldn't bear the 80 minute trek to nyc. I yelled and cursed and didn't feel bad. I'm tired of feeling bad for her. I hold back my own feelings to protect her, but I am starting to think that it has been hurting her more than helping. From now on, it's brutal honesty. If she doesn't like it, then maybe she'll have some motivation to change it.

Other than the issues with my mother, life is pretty damn good. I just spent 5 days in Miami with Ray, Merrill, Victor, Rachel and Nick. Definitely the best five days ever. I had so much fun. I forgot about my problems for a long weekend and just enjoyed the sunshine and laughter. I have to admit though, I was feeling like a bit of a fatty. My friends are both so beautiful, sometimes I think I can't even compare. In my head, I know it's ridiculous, but I can't help but feel self-concious when sitting on the beach next to them. Still, I really enjoyed their company.

School is going very well. I feel like I'm making a lot of progress with the students. Yesterday I brought in homemade chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin cookies as a reward for putting up with the nauseating amount of testing that they're being put through. They loved it. They were begging for more and raving that these were the "best cookies I've ever had!" So cute.

Today I am spending the day at the Pallisades Mall with Jimmy and Lauren. It should be a nice time. I'll get lots of xmas shopping done and get to celebrate my birthday with my brother. He originally was supposed to come down on the 20th, but he has to go to an engagement party that night. (who the fuck is getting engaged?!)

I have to admit... the idea of getting married is seeming less and less frightening. Maybe one day.