Dad came to the city today to celebrate my graduation. We met up at Grand Central around 12:30 and went down to soho for some shopping. I bought some new work shoes and a new work outfit. We got bored of shopping and headed back to brooklyn to do some bowling. We went to GUTTER, a new bowling bar in north williamsburg. Dad bowled a 217!! what the hell?!
All in all, today was exactly what I needed. We got to finally spend some quality time together. It felt like I had my dad back. After all of the shit that has been going on, we've turned over a new leaf. He's being honest and open with me about everything that has happened in the past few years. It's making it a lot easier to deal with.
This weekend has been one of the best I've had in a while. Hiking with Ray yesterday, and spending time with dad today. Who could ask for a better weekend?
10.05.2008
10.03.2008
cha cha changes
I am changing the purpose of this blog. Instead of updating my non-existant readers about my day to day life, I am going to be using it to record my thoughts and feelings about the world around me. I think maybe then I will post more often? Maybe not. But it's worth a shot, right? Right.
The situation with my parents (my make believe readers, my parents sold their house for a lot less than they could have gotten for it, and are living in separate apartments) has made me really cynical about marriage and love. I know that I am in a great relationship and that Ray loves me unconditionally. I KNOW this. Still, when friends of mine tell me about their engagements and weddings and children, I can't help but think "why the hell are you happy about this? What is the point of getting married?" Why does everyone want to rush into such a doomed government ordained institution? WHY? Is it because you love someone? Are you afraid that if you don't say "I do", he'll find someone better? Or even worse, that YOU'LL find someone better?? I just have a hard time believing in it all. How can you be so sure that you are meant to be with someone for the rest of your life, and just let it all go to hell? How can you give up on someone you are supposed to love? I guess it's not so much the idea of marriage, but the bright eyed blushing bride that thinks that marriage is just a wedding and that they'll live happily ever after. I think I'm afraid that I'll get married and he'll give up on me the way my parents gave up on each other a long time before they even separated. If that's the case, then what's the point?
I've spent a lot more time this past month thinking about myself and not thinking about my family. I joined weightwatchers and lost 12 pounds in a month. I haven't been able to exercise because of my knee, which I still havent gotten an MRI of. Maybe I haven't really been taking great care of myself after all? Still 12 pounds is pretty significant.
The situation with my parents (my make believe readers, my parents sold their house for a lot less than they could have gotten for it, and are living in separate apartments) has made me really cynical about marriage and love. I know that I am in a great relationship and that Ray loves me unconditionally. I KNOW this. Still, when friends of mine tell me about their engagements and weddings and children, I can't help but think "why the hell are you happy about this? What is the point of getting married?" Why does everyone want to rush into such a doomed government ordained institution? WHY? Is it because you love someone? Are you afraid that if you don't say "I do", he'll find someone better? Or even worse, that YOU'LL find someone better?? I just have a hard time believing in it all. How can you be so sure that you are meant to be with someone for the rest of your life, and just let it all go to hell? How can you give up on someone you are supposed to love? I guess it's not so much the idea of marriage, but the bright eyed blushing bride that thinks that marriage is just a wedding and that they'll live happily ever after. I think I'm afraid that I'll get married and he'll give up on me the way my parents gave up on each other a long time before they even separated. If that's the case, then what's the point?
I've spent a lot more time this past month thinking about myself and not thinking about my family. I joined weightwatchers and lost 12 pounds in a month. I haven't been able to exercise because of my knee, which I still havent gotten an MRI of. Maybe I haven't really been taking great care of myself after all? Still 12 pounds is pretty significant.
4.10.2007
I haven't written in some time. I doubt that anyone reads this thing anymore. That makes it almost better, and a little easier to write what I am really feeling.
It's as if my life is a constant count-down. Hey, at least I have somethings to look forward to? I wonder how people that work 9-5 jobs ALL year make it through the year. I guess they must really like what they do, or maybe they are just settled into their routines. This past week I've been thinking more and more about what I WANT to do with my life. I don't want to have this constant countdown going on. More and more I feel that I need to live life with a bit more adventure and spontenaeity. I've spent this past week behind a computer screen, watching tv and movies, and hardly experiencing all that life in NYC has to offer. More and more, I don't think that I am a teacher.
This scares me.
It's as if my life is a constant count-down. Hey, at least I have somethings to look forward to? I wonder how people that work 9-5 jobs ALL year make it through the year. I guess they must really like what they do, or maybe they are just settled into their routines. This past week I've been thinking more and more about what I WANT to do with my life. I don't want to have this constant countdown going on. More and more I feel that I need to live life with a bit more adventure and spontenaeity. I've spent this past week behind a computer screen, watching tv and movies, and hardly experiencing all that life in NYC has to offer. More and more, I don't think that I am a teacher.
This scares me.
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