Life is stuck in a standstill. I'm teetering on the edge of things. Somehow I've caught my balance and wound up standing on the edge for a bit too long and I'm tired of it. Progress and change are essential to who I am. I don't do well with the same old routine for too long. It's been TOO long. Five years of little to no change... little progress... But I'm not sure what the next move is. Do I move to a new apartment? A new city? A new cabin in the woods? What would be best for me? How can I make any decisions when Ray is so comfortable with the way things are? He says that if i just go for it and say "I'm moving here.. I'm doing THIS", he'll go along with it. I would rather we make these kind of decisions together. I want to take risks and make changes TOGETHER... not because I say I want to do it, but because we BOTH want it. I wouldn't be happy if I made a decision (like moving out of the city) and he followed and hated his life because of it.

All I know is that I need to make things happen for myself and stop waiting around for others to do it for me. Life's too short to stand around doing nothing.

pura vida

I´m starting my second week of costa rica. There is so much to write, that I hardly know where to begin.

At first, I missed home a lot. All I could think of was that I missed Ray and my kitties, and even just being in Brooklyn. It made things a lot harder to deal with here. Eventually, I got used to the idea of sleeping alone and only talking via skype, and everything got a lot easier. Not to say that I miss home and Ray any less, just that it´s gotten much easier to deal with.

I didn´t think that i would really experience any real culture shock. Everything I read about CR made me think that it was very Americanized and that it would be a very easy adjustment. That may be true for some people that only visit the touristy places like Montezuma and Manuel Antonio, but it is not true for the more rural parts like San Ramon and Palmares. The pace of life is slower and easier. Life here is peaceful. Living here for this short week so far has made me slow myself down and take it all in. Two of their favorite phrases are ´pura vida´and ´tranquila´, which basically translate to pure life and take it easy. Pure life, in essence, is enjoying and savoring the simple things in life that make us happy and peaceful. Tranquila means to take it easy... no worries. Often people greet you with ´pura vida´.

Everything has been so exciting and new... It makes me never want to leave...

so much to do

before i leave for a month.

I'm getting nervous about leaving home for so long. A whole month. A MONTH.

There are so many people I want to see. So much I want to do. So much I NEED to do.

I don't even know where to begin.